I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
