I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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