just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
