Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
