does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
