Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
