I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
