He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
