i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
