my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
