the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
