I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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