and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
