All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
