i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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