It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
