Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Even my vagina gasped.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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