My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
