And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
