yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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