Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
