take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
