you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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