halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
