I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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