i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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