I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
