What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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