sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The beer is more important than you right now.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
