paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
