I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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