The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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