I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
