people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
