I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
