her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
