Im at strip club and am horny
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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