Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
my liver is dry heaving
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
