i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
This is classic penis vs brain.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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