wrigley field is MILF paradise
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
