I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
