Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
