when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
