I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm too high and old for this...
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