I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
