But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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