Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
