i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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