The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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