i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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